A Little History

I guess we'll start with a little history about me. I've never been one of those women who felt like they absolutely without any doubt MUST have a child. To be honest, kids used to annoy me (well, teenagers still annoy me, but don't they annoy everyone?). Now that I think about it, I was never one of those women that felt like I had to be married or planned my wedding "since I was a little girl" either. Those women always annoyed me too. Those women usually end up divorced anyway because they are in such a rush to have a wedding and get married that they settle for the wrong person. I was truly lucky enough to find the right person, or should I say lucky enough that he found me. I am married to my best friend, the one person that I want to have every experience with. I sometimes get angry at the fact that I didn't meet him until later in life but then I realize that I am lucky to have met him at all.

I met my husband when I was 37 years old. We got married the following year (I was 38, he was 40). Having a child together seemed like the perfect thing to do. Although I have many fears and doubts about what kind of a parent I'll make, I have no doubt that he'll be a wonderful father. We started TTC (trying to conceive in fertility talk) about 2 months after our wedding. I knew time was not on our side, so I bought a box of OPK's (ovulation predictor kits in fertility speak) so we could time things just right. Stupidly I expected a positive pregnancy test within months! Flash forward about 10 months and I finally got my BFP (big fat positive in, you guessed it, fertility lingo). I was scared, excited and amazed! That excitement lasted maybe 2 weeks before I was diagnosed as having a "blighted ovum". A blighted ovum is essentially a fertilized egg that implants but the embryo fails to grow so you are left with just an empty gestational sac growing in your uterus. I miscarried later that week.

We started TTCA (trying to conceive again) after a couple of months and got lucky after about 7 months and got another BFP about 5 days before my 40th birthday. I lost that one the day after my birthday. It was a "chemical pregnancy" which basically is a very early loss. I somehow managed to get pregnant the following month. I lost that one at 8 1/2 weeks. That was a hard one. We even saw the baby on ultrasound (although it didn't look like a baby yet) and even saw it's tiny little heart flickering away. which is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Two weeks later when we went in for another routine ultrasound, our little angel's heart had stopped beating and I had a D& C 2 days later.

Here we are, 6 months later, no pregnancy. I'll be 41 in 2 months. Time is no longer ticking away, it's flying. My diagnosis is "recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) due to "advanced maternal age". We are working with an RE (reproductive endocronologist) and currently waiting for insurance approval so we can get started on IVF (best case scenario) or ovulation induction. We should know within a week. Plus I should ovulate within a week too. Two big things we're waiting on that could change our lives forever. It's gonna be a long week. Tick tock, tick tock.